Lessons Learned...

I`ve had the absolute pleasure of spending some time with some very special people over the last few weeks. These are people who have taught me how to remain hopeful in hopeless situations, and how to set a goal and stick to it, regardless of how hard it is to achieve that goal.

It all started with a sermon series Pastor Barry started at our church. It`s based on a program called ``Celebrating Recovery``. It made me start thinking about the 12 steps used in AA and how really, that applies to everyone...not just addicts. I started going through the 12 steps myself using Barry`s sermons as a guide. I was praying one day in the middle of doing one of the steps and realized that I would really like to encourage people recovering from addictions...any addictions.

It wasn`t long after that I met Rick. Rick is a recovering addict and addiction counselor, for a local recovery house. He also holds down a job as a cattleman for City Packers and is father to a wonderful little girl. Rick introduced me to the recovery house that he`s involved with and it changed my thinking completely.

Addiction has not been far from me my whole life. Through my childhood I watched my Uncle struggle with alcohol addiction. I married two men who both struggle with their own addictions...and I have a few of my own as well. I`m addicted to smoking currently, and I consider myself a recovering addict from sexual addiction... shocked? ...not many people know that about me. It`s true though. I`ve dealt with issues surrounding sex for a long time. I thought I was worth so little that the only way guys would pay attention was if I let them do things I knew were not appropriate. Sick, isn`t it? I got to the point where I got to like the thrill, the conquest as it were. Who was the next guy going to be...how would I catch him...it was almost like a game. It wasn`t right and it wasn't healthy...in fact it was very very dangerous. Now I look back and wonder what I was thinking. I knew it wasn't what God wanted from me, but at that point in my life, I was too far gone to care. When I married John I put that life aside and I haven't looked back. I found my way back to God and realized that as His child, I am forgiven and washed clean by His blood. I don't have to live that life. To God, I am precious, and that's all that matters.

Anyway, I was introduced to a group of people at this local recovery house. These are people with all kinds of addictions, and they`re not afraid to tell you what they`re struggling against. Many have lived on the streets and in shelters at some point...that`s how low things can get. These are guys that are using every ounce of willpower they have, along with intense faith in God, to claw their way out of the situations they`ve put themselves in. Some will succeed, some will fail, but either way, I feel priviledged to have met them. I realized how judgemental I can be about people struggling. Who`s to say that the person I see on the street corner isn`t a recovering addict trying to get back on his feet like the guys I met at the recovery house?

We all have things we struggle with. You may or may not label them ``addiction``. I think the lesson here is not to judge those who are struggling...instead, take that little bit of time out of your day to offer encouragement. They appreciate it and they really look forward to that human contact when everyone else has given up on them. I am blessed to have family and friends who don`t judge me for the things I struggle with. They pray for me, they love me in spite of my faults, they encourage me to stay strong and keep my eyes on my Jesus...how amazing! So many people don`t have that kind of support. If you get the chance to...buy someone a cup of coffee...ask how their day went. You don`t need to do much...it`s those little things that mean the most and can make the difference between an addict staying an addict, or staying sober.

A New Melody...

It's been three months since my last post. OI VEY!! I can't believe all the stuff that's happened in that time. Here's an update for you...

John moved out and has his own place in town. The kids see him twice a week and that seems to be working for now. We are on good terms and talk almost every day.

Declan is in grade 4 and doing really well. He's your typical 10 year old...snarky...eating everything in sight...a little crazy...and totally wonderful. I wouldn't trade him for all the tea in China! He often tries to be the man of the house. I keep telling him that all I want is for him to be a kid...but what does a Mom know, right?

Rowan is another story altogether. She's had a really tough time dealing with her Dad leaving. She went through a really tough phase where she was violent to other kids and very angry at home. She's now in counselling and in a fantastic Christian daycare/preschool and doing great! Her manners have come back and there's been way less fighting at school. I'm really proud of her...she's come a long way.

I found a job!!! FINALLY I am working! I started my career as an Insurance Agent for AMA in August. I am in training until October 18th and then I'll be able to sell insurance. The exams and training have been tough but the people are great and I really enjoy the work so far. The money is exactly what I need to stay on budget...God saved the day again!!!!

We have really been blessed with amazing support from all over the place! Our church has helped with school supplies, babysitting and all kinds of other stuff. The pastor at our church is working on starting an adopt a family program where solid Christian families in our church adopt a single parent and kids and do things with them once a month or so. This gives the kids a chance to connect with another family and just have a place to go do fun stuff. I'm really looking forward to that.

Thank you thank you thank you to all of you who have kept us in your prayers this summer. Every prayer was heard and answered and we are so grateful! We have been covered in God's peace and grace and we really are doing well. I've been singing TONS and I have also been doing some public speaking which has been a challenge! Who knew that this was what God had in store for me!

My lifesong is stronger now than it's been in a long time. I'm so happy and so blessed.

The verse I've hung onto this summer?... "My children are taught in the Lord, great shall be their peace" Isaiah 54:13

Awesome eh?

xoxoxox
Michele

Wow...it's been a while!

It's been a long time since I've written here. A lot of things have happened. I hardly know where to begin...

There's been a lot of tough stuff going on. In March I lost my job at Sun Life. To date, I am still unemployed...that's so depressing. It's been nearly impossible to find anything but in some ways I think God planned it that way. I think He knew that the kids needed me to be home for a while and so He's making that happen whether I want it or not!

John moves out this weekend. That part is tough. The kids are doing okay at this point thanks to the prayers of many friends and family. God is holding them in the palm of His hand and for that I am so grateful. They are feeling the strain of the move, but are not reacting too badly to it at this point. I know there will be fallout sooner or later with them and I've put structure in place to deal with that. As for me...well...I find myself crying at stupid times of the day and night. I feel overwhelmed, scared, angry, sad, and yet sometimes I'm peaceful, even joyful, it's just weird. I know God has a purpose in all of this. I don't know what it is but I believe that He works all things for the good of those who love Him.

Prayer requests...(thank you in advance to those who pray...what would we do without the prayer support of our friends, family, and even family in Christ that we haven't met yet? My heartfelt love and thanks go to each and every one of you!)

1. The kids...please continue to pray a covering of protection over my children. I can't save them from all hurt...they are hurting...but please pray that this would be a fairly smooth transition for them. Also pray that their relationship with their Dad continues to grow stronger everyday...they need that.

2. John...I just can't do this yet so please prayer family, I need your help. Please pray for John as he moves into a new place, as he works (he's got two jobs now), and as we figure out support, custody and visitation with the kids. Pray for patience, understanding, empathy, grace, and the ability to communicate effectively and maintain a relationship for the sake of the kids. This is so important and a huge concern for me. Pray for healing as well...mind, body and soul.

3. For me...please pray for my parenting skills! I ask for a relationship with my children that has open communication, tons of love and understanding on both sides. I'm not the most patient of people...please pray that my ability to be patient and calm grows! Please pray for peace and clarity of mind...that I will be certain of my path and that the right doors will open at the right time relating to a job, childcare, as well as school (I'm trying to get into University to complete a bachelor of nursing degree).

4. For my family and friends...the trouble with separation is that it doesn't just affect the immediate family, it affects parents, brothers, sisters, neices, nephews, extended family, and friends. The backlash hits everyone and it can be so painful. Please pray for them as they mourn this separation...because that's what this is...a time of mourning.

I'm so grateful to all the people who have offered their help, prayers, and suggestions. Thank you to all those who have helped me to laugh, cry, vent, and stay sane! To my parents, who are the greatest gift from God I have ever known, I would be in such a dark place right now if it wasn't for you. God spoke to you and you listened and I'm so grateful. I'm blessed, truly, to have the family that I have. Each one of you is precious to me and I love you all.

xox
Michele

Family....

I love my family. I love my parents. I am a blessed daughter to have such wonderful people in my life. I love my sister and my brother in law. They are a fantastic team and I love watching them grow as a couple and as parents. Wanna know something? I LOVE the kids in our family! I have two beautiful children, Declan and Rowan. I have a newphew, Riker who I loved the minute I laid eyes on him. I have a niece, Trinity, who is beautiful and who reminds me of her mother...that always makes me smile. Now I have a new nephew (see photo above)! Sawyer John, who I haven't met yet. This precious little person finally decided to leave the comfort of his little home inside my sister and join us out in the big open world. I'm itching to meet this little man! I can't wait to hold him and talk to him...the same way I held and talked to Riker and Trinity when they were babies.

Welcome, little Sawyer John. I can't wait to hold you and take part in your life!

Rowan turns 4...

Four years ago I was induced into labour and gave birth to our daughter, Rowan. She was stunning right from the start. She had eyelashes that looked like fairy wings, they were so delicate. She had beautiful eyes and loved to be held. Rowan had a rough start to life. She was born with a hole in her lung which meant having to stay in NICU for 3 days. It was hard watching her try and breathe under an oxygen helmet. I couldn't hold her, I couldn't make anything easier for her... I could hold her hand, talk to her, and pray.

Now I have a vibrant, beautiful, strong, funny, brilliant 4 year old daughter. She is full of life and laughter. She loves dressing up and being a princess. She is all girl (much to my chagrin, I was tom boy all the way!). She loves barbies, she loves to sing and dance and draw. She is quick to say I love you and if a kiss and a hug is what will make you smile, she will be the first one to give you those things.

I always said that God wouldn't be so mean as to subject some poor little girl to having me as a mother. Because I'm not really interested in girly type things, (I didn't play with dolls or barbies when I was growing up. When I was Rowan's age I asked for a calculator for Christmas!) I didn't think I would suit being a mother to a girl. Since the day Rowan was born, I have been grateful that I was wrong. I LOVE dressing her up and taking her places. I love talking to her and playing with her and finding out what's going on in her head! My Mom told me that she waited 31 years for me to play with dolls...who would have thought that it would be a live one that I'd be playing with!

Rowan, you have added so much light into my life. I love your sunshine personality and your desire to make sure your friends and family know that they are loved. I love watching you grow and change and try new things. I love your no-fear attitude and have overcome many of my own fears from following your example. When I ask you who loves you, your first reply is always, "Jesus" and it fills me with joy that you are so certain of God's love for you at such an early age. Happy birthday my sweet girl...I love you!!!

To give up or not give up...

It's not often that I write about my feelings here...

I'm frustrated. I'm trying to write another song for the album (to replace one that I'm not thrilled with) and it's not coming. I feel awkward and off somehow...off tune...off time...off energy...I hate feeling this way! I'm fighting negative feelings toward things I have no control over and it's sapping my strength. Lord, save me from drowning!! At this point I feel like giving up! The only thing that keeps me going is remembering why I'm doing this in the first place. God is speaking through this music - I know that. I also know that when I'm on stage and I'm singing and playing my piano, I feel amazing. I love being on stage.

I haven't been on stage much lately. I'm singing the anthem for the Lethbridge Hurricanes this season and I really enjoy that, but I miss being on stage with a group. I feel like a piece of me is missing when I'm not playing music...I've been missing a lot of pieces lately.

Is this just a phase? Will this pass? Can I get over this writer's block and this despondent feeling? Will this album ever be completed? Will I be proud of it when it's done? I have full faith in Brad and his musicians...they are the most talented bunch of people I've ever worked with. I don't worry about their abilities, I worry about mine!

Prayer family...please pray a layer of peace over me... and then pray a covering of JOY on top of that! I've been missing that.

Love to all of you...thank you for listening to me rant...I'm sorry this post is so blech...I promise I'll try and do better next time.

Michele

Summer Almost Over...

I can't believe I'm saying this...summer is almost over!! What happened?!? Where did the time go? A lot happened this summer...let me fill you in...

We've settled into our lovely home in Coalhurst...many thanks again to Brad, Gary, Will, Sandra and Don for helping us with our dream. We couldn't have done this without you! We had our grass installed in July and it's fantastic! I love a green lawn - I'm just not all that crazy about mowing!

Declan turned 9 in July and had the pleasure of celebrating with family this year! Mark, Jobina, Riker and Trinity came down from Manitoba and Nana and Papa brought them to visit. All the boys took in the Air Show which was awesome as always...and all the girls went for lunch and shopped until we were so tired, we went back home to nap! It was a great visit and we really enjoyed our time together.

Declan also got to go to summer camp for the first time thanks to an incredible birthday gift from Nana and Papa! He went to Camp Evergreen and had a great time learning to canoe, shoot a bow and arrow, do crafts, climb rock walls, sing songs, and play games. The really cool part? His camp counsellor was the drummer in the worship band! Declan loves drums so this was pretty awesome for him. He's already asking to go back next year!

Rowan has been SLOWLY letting go of her potty training issues. Today is day two of panties during the day and so far so good! We are really proud of her and Daddy is going to be taking her to Walmart on Friday to buy some pretty princess panties to help encourage her! Before we know it she'll be in preschool...aack!!! Where did my baby go!?!?!

John is finally getting some more hours at work which is a real answer to prayer. He still enjoys his job and it's great that he has such flexibility there - makes it easier for me to do my music.

Music!!! I have not done a whole lot on the album this summer. Sorry everyone...I know this album is already way past due and I feel horribly guilty about it. I'm trying...please be patient with me! I DID have a wonderful time playing a 45 minute set at Party in the Park this summer and I'm scheduled to play at Global Day of Prayer Picnic in the Park next week. I have also joined a band (I don't think we have a name yet). We play country cover songs mostly (I never thought I'd ever write that sentence about myself! Was never a country music fan). I don't know when we will start playing all together, but I'm looking forward to it. I love playing in a band! I like singing harmony and playing piano...and I LOVE IT when I get to sing lead! It doesn't happen often, but it's a lot of fun being backed up by talented musicians!

Some things to pray for...

My friend, Sandra, is in the hospital currently for complications from diverticulitus (I really hope I spelled that correctly). She's had emergency surgery and will have another one soon. Things have not gone smoothly thus far and her family is worried for her. Please pray for healing of her body and peace and comfort for her family. I know this has been very stressful for them. Also pray for the doctors who are helping Sandra...our doctors work very hard and need our prayers too!

I have been really struggling with migraines lately. My doctor has put me on beta blockers to try and help the situation. So far it has made a difference. I still get migraines, but not as many and not as severe. Please pray for continued success with this medication.

Please continue to pray for my album, now titled "Redemption Story" which is also the title track of the CD. There's a lot to do and some reworking of songs still to come. Pray that the changes we make and the instruments we add will help, not hinder the message that we want to come through. Also pray for the musicians that are helping me with the album, that God will use them and their talents to send His message to all who need to hear it! Also please pray for my producer and friend, Brad. He's working really hard and it's been a busy summer. Please pray that he finds enough hours in his day to do all the things that he does. I know he rarely sleeps making sure that all his artists are taken care of. While I appreciate his dedication to our craft, I know how that can wear a person down.

Our kids are going back to school next week everyone! Let's pray for our kids, our teachers, and all the other wonderful people who support our kids at school! Let's pray that God really makes Himself known to our children this school year and that our teachers and school staff feel supported by us, the parents, each and every day!

Thanks for reading everybody!! Sorry it took me so long to write!