Music!!!!

That's right my fine friends...there is a studio in the making at my house! Currently it has a set of electronic drums (My most recent purchase thanks to the haggling power of Rick!), two keyboards, a guitar I have on loan from my Dad (I've learned two chords...I'm pretty proud!), and a little amp. Still needed are 2-3 decent sized amps (one for keyboard, one for drums, one for mics), 2 mics and mic stands, a guitar stand or two, a computer specifically for that space and some really awesome recording software. I'm sure it will take a long while to get this together in the way I would like to see it come together, but God will work miracles and it will be done...of that I have no doubt.

Why build this...is that what you're asking? I believe that God created music for multiple reasons. He created music as a way of communicating our love for Him, as a way of expressing ourselves when words aren't enough, as a way of making a statement and getting a point across, as a way to learn something new or be reminded of something we knew all along but hadn't thought of in a while. Music creates thoughts and feelings that maybe we wouldn't have if the music wasn't there. In all of this, music is one of the tools God uses to heal us. I work out my frustration on my piano, I write songs about pain I've been through, lessons I've learned, and joy overflowing and it helps me heal. Music is therapy in every sense of the word. I have a rare opportunity to create a space where people can heal. A place where musicians of every age, race, color and creed from every walk of life can come and find God in their songs...this includes myself and my children! My daughter sings up a storm and my son LOVES the drums and plays whenever he gets a second to do so!

I've always said that I want my home to be a place where people always feel welcome. Where they feel like they are wanted and appreciated for who they are. I want to be able to give back to my community because they've given so much to me...providing space and stage time for me to play my songs and hone my skills as a musician. I want to create a space for musicians to network, play, jam, bounce around ideas and create music for God's glory. It's not a big space, it's very very cozy, but it's warm and welcoming and God is most definitely there! I'm looking forward to seeing new faces, hearing new music, and working with some talented people. I'm looking forward to watching my children play and sing along with people that will come here. God is moving and I can hardly wait to see where this all goes! In the meantime...feel like jamming? Drop me a line! This is God's space and it's meant to be used....so play on fellow musicians! I'm right behind you!

The song that fills my soul...

A song we did today in Church...it was amazing and God FILLED that place!

Holy Holy Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Highest Praises Honor and Glory
Be unto Your name
Be unto Your name

Lessons Learned...

I`ve had the absolute pleasure of spending some time with some very special people over the last few weeks. These are people who have taught me how to remain hopeful in hopeless situations, and how to set a goal and stick to it, regardless of how hard it is to achieve that goal.

It all started with a sermon series Pastor Barry started at our church. It`s based on a program called ``Celebrating Recovery``. It made me start thinking about the 12 steps used in AA and how really, that applies to everyone...not just addicts. I started going through the 12 steps myself using Barry`s sermons as a guide. I was praying one day in the middle of doing one of the steps and realized that I would really like to encourage people recovering from addictions...any addictions.

It wasn`t long after that I met Rick. Rick is a recovering addict and addiction counselor, for a local recovery house. He also holds down a job as a cattleman for City Packers and is father to a wonderful little girl. Rick introduced me to the recovery house that he`s involved with and it changed my thinking completely.

Addiction has not been far from me my whole life. Through my childhood I watched my Uncle struggle with alcohol addiction. I married two men who both struggle with their own addictions...and I have a few of my own as well. I`m addicted to smoking currently, and I consider myself a recovering addict from sexual addiction... shocked? ...not many people know that about me. It`s true though. I`ve dealt with issues surrounding sex for a long time. I thought I was worth so little that the only way guys would pay attention was if I let them do things I knew were not appropriate. Sick, isn`t it? I got to the point where I got to like the thrill, the conquest as it were. Who was the next guy going to be...how would I catch him...it was almost like a game. It wasn`t right and it wasn't healthy...in fact it was very very dangerous. Now I look back and wonder what I was thinking. I knew it wasn't what God wanted from me, but at that point in my life, I was too far gone to care. When I married John I put that life aside and I haven't looked back. I found my way back to God and realized that as His child, I am forgiven and washed clean by His blood. I don't have to live that life. To God, I am precious, and that's all that matters.

Anyway, I was introduced to a group of people at this local recovery house. These are people with all kinds of addictions, and they`re not afraid to tell you what they`re struggling against. Many have lived on the streets and in shelters at some point...that`s how low things can get. These are guys that are using every ounce of willpower they have, along with intense faith in God, to claw their way out of the situations they`ve put themselves in. Some will succeed, some will fail, but either way, I feel priviledged to have met them. I realized how judgemental I can be about people struggling. Who`s to say that the person I see on the street corner isn`t a recovering addict trying to get back on his feet like the guys I met at the recovery house?

We all have things we struggle with. You may or may not label them ``addiction``. I think the lesson here is not to judge those who are struggling...instead, take that little bit of time out of your day to offer encouragement. They appreciate it and they really look forward to that human contact when everyone else has given up on them. I am blessed to have family and friends who don`t judge me for the things I struggle with. They pray for me, they love me in spite of my faults, they encourage me to stay strong and keep my eyes on my Jesus...how amazing! So many people don`t have that kind of support. If you get the chance to...buy someone a cup of coffee...ask how their day went. You don`t need to do much...it`s those little things that mean the most and can make the difference between an addict staying an addict, or staying sober.

A New Melody...

It's been three months since my last post. OI VEY!! I can't believe all the stuff that's happened in that time. Here's an update for you...

John moved out and has his own place in town. The kids see him twice a week and that seems to be working for now. We are on good terms and talk almost every day.

Declan is in grade 4 and doing really well. He's your typical 10 year old...snarky...eating everything in sight...a little crazy...and totally wonderful. I wouldn't trade him for all the tea in China! He often tries to be the man of the house. I keep telling him that all I want is for him to be a kid...but what does a Mom know, right?

Rowan is another story altogether. She's had a really tough time dealing with her Dad leaving. She went through a really tough phase where she was violent to other kids and very angry at home. She's now in counselling and in a fantastic Christian daycare/preschool and doing great! Her manners have come back and there's been way less fighting at school. I'm really proud of her...she's come a long way.

I found a job!!! FINALLY I am working! I started my career as an Insurance Agent for AMA in August. I am in training until October 18th and then I'll be able to sell insurance. The exams and training have been tough but the people are great and I really enjoy the work so far. The money is exactly what I need to stay on budget...God saved the day again!!!!

We have really been blessed with amazing support from all over the place! Our church has helped with school supplies, babysitting and all kinds of other stuff. The pastor at our church is working on starting an adopt a family program where solid Christian families in our church adopt a single parent and kids and do things with them once a month or so. This gives the kids a chance to connect with another family and just have a place to go do fun stuff. I'm really looking forward to that.

Thank you thank you thank you to all of you who have kept us in your prayers this summer. Every prayer was heard and answered and we are so grateful! We have been covered in God's peace and grace and we really are doing well. I've been singing TONS and I have also been doing some public speaking which has been a challenge! Who knew that this was what God had in store for me!

My lifesong is stronger now than it's been in a long time. I'm so happy and so blessed.

The verse I've hung onto this summer?... "My children are taught in the Lord, great shall be their peace" Isaiah 54:13

Awesome eh?

xoxoxox
Michele

Wow...it's been a while!

It's been a long time since I've written here. A lot of things have happened. I hardly know where to begin...

There's been a lot of tough stuff going on. In March I lost my job at Sun Life. To date, I am still unemployed...that's so depressing. It's been nearly impossible to find anything but in some ways I think God planned it that way. I think He knew that the kids needed me to be home for a while and so He's making that happen whether I want it or not!

John moves out this weekend. That part is tough. The kids are doing okay at this point thanks to the prayers of many friends and family. God is holding them in the palm of His hand and for that I am so grateful. They are feeling the strain of the move, but are not reacting too badly to it at this point. I know there will be fallout sooner or later with them and I've put structure in place to deal with that. As for me...well...I find myself crying at stupid times of the day and night. I feel overwhelmed, scared, angry, sad, and yet sometimes I'm peaceful, even joyful, it's just weird. I know God has a purpose in all of this. I don't know what it is but I believe that He works all things for the good of those who love Him.

Prayer requests...(thank you in advance to those who pray...what would we do without the prayer support of our friends, family, and even family in Christ that we haven't met yet? My heartfelt love and thanks go to each and every one of you!)

1. The kids...please continue to pray a covering of protection over my children. I can't save them from all hurt...they are hurting...but please pray that this would be a fairly smooth transition for them. Also pray that their relationship with their Dad continues to grow stronger everyday...they need that.

2. John...I just can't do this yet so please prayer family, I need your help. Please pray for John as he moves into a new place, as he works (he's got two jobs now), and as we figure out support, custody and visitation with the kids. Pray for patience, understanding, empathy, grace, and the ability to communicate effectively and maintain a relationship for the sake of the kids. This is so important and a huge concern for me. Pray for healing as well...mind, body and soul.

3. For me...please pray for my parenting skills! I ask for a relationship with my children that has open communication, tons of love and understanding on both sides. I'm not the most patient of people...please pray that my ability to be patient and calm grows! Please pray for peace and clarity of mind...that I will be certain of my path and that the right doors will open at the right time relating to a job, childcare, as well as school (I'm trying to get into University to complete a bachelor of nursing degree).

4. For my family and friends...the trouble with separation is that it doesn't just affect the immediate family, it affects parents, brothers, sisters, neices, nephews, extended family, and friends. The backlash hits everyone and it can be so painful. Please pray for them as they mourn this separation...because that's what this is...a time of mourning.

I'm so grateful to all the people who have offered their help, prayers, and suggestions. Thank you to all those who have helped me to laugh, cry, vent, and stay sane! To my parents, who are the greatest gift from God I have ever known, I would be in such a dark place right now if it wasn't for you. God spoke to you and you listened and I'm so grateful. I'm blessed, truly, to have the family that I have. Each one of you is precious to me and I love you all.

xox
Michele

Family....

I love my family. I love my parents. I am a blessed daughter to have such wonderful people in my life. I love my sister and my brother in law. They are a fantastic team and I love watching them grow as a couple and as parents. Wanna know something? I LOVE the kids in our family! I have two beautiful children, Declan and Rowan. I have a newphew, Riker who I loved the minute I laid eyes on him. I have a niece, Trinity, who is beautiful and who reminds me of her mother...that always makes me smile. Now I have a new nephew (see photo above)! Sawyer John, who I haven't met yet. This precious little person finally decided to leave the comfort of his little home inside my sister and join us out in the big open world. I'm itching to meet this little man! I can't wait to hold him and talk to him...the same way I held and talked to Riker and Trinity when they were babies.

Welcome, little Sawyer John. I can't wait to hold you and take part in your life!

Rowan turns 4...

Four years ago I was induced into labour and gave birth to our daughter, Rowan. She was stunning right from the start. She had eyelashes that looked like fairy wings, they were so delicate. She had beautiful eyes and loved to be held. Rowan had a rough start to life. She was born with a hole in her lung which meant having to stay in NICU for 3 days. It was hard watching her try and breathe under an oxygen helmet. I couldn't hold her, I couldn't make anything easier for her... I could hold her hand, talk to her, and pray.

Now I have a vibrant, beautiful, strong, funny, brilliant 4 year old daughter. She is full of life and laughter. She loves dressing up and being a princess. She is all girl (much to my chagrin, I was tom boy all the way!). She loves barbies, she loves to sing and dance and draw. She is quick to say I love you and if a kiss and a hug is what will make you smile, she will be the first one to give you those things.

I always said that God wouldn't be so mean as to subject some poor little girl to having me as a mother. Because I'm not really interested in girly type things, (I didn't play with dolls or barbies when I was growing up. When I was Rowan's age I asked for a calculator for Christmas!) I didn't think I would suit being a mother to a girl. Since the day Rowan was born, I have been grateful that I was wrong. I LOVE dressing her up and taking her places. I love talking to her and playing with her and finding out what's going on in her head! My Mom told me that she waited 31 years for me to play with dolls...who would have thought that it would be a live one that I'd be playing with!

Rowan, you have added so much light into my life. I love your sunshine personality and your desire to make sure your friends and family know that they are loved. I love watching you grow and change and try new things. I love your no-fear attitude and have overcome many of my own fears from following your example. When I ask you who loves you, your first reply is always, "Jesus" and it fills me with joy that you are so certain of God's love for you at such an early age. Happy birthday my sweet girl...I love you!!!