Recently I attempted something I never thought I would have the courage to do. I wrote out my life story. I submitted it to a group for approval as I wanted to talk about my story at one of their meetings. I don't know what I was expecting the feedback to be, but whatever I was expecting, that's not what I got. I received an email from a wonderful woman who loved my story, but knew that, as it was currently written, it was not appropriate for their group.
I started out being very hurt. I felt like someone had punched me. This was a talk that I had poured every inch of my being into! I had invested a lot of time, effort, and emotion on this talk and I felt like I hadn't really been heard. Then I read this lady's email again. She was more than willing to help me change my story to fit what the group was looking for. The purpose of speaking in this particular group is to focus on a specific type of person. My talk didn't do that as well as it could have. When I got over being hurt and offended that she didn't think it was perfect just the way it was, I started thinking about the real reasons why I wanted to do this in the first place. My feelings were no longer important, the outcome of the talk was what was important.
I don't know about you, but I don't really like criticism. I don't like being told that something I've done isn't good enough the way it is. I understand that criticism is all a part of learning and that, if done constructively, it's really a great way to learn. Unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that I feel attacked when I'm being corrected. Overactive defense mechanism? Absolutely!!! I can usually keep it under control long enough to hear the person out and correct the problem, but I tend to do this while muttering under my breath and grinding my teeth.
This particular problem that I'm dealing with now is going to require a lot of attention and if I want to keep any of my teeth and not grind them down to nothing, I need to put that feeling of being attacked away and embrace what this woman has to offer me. Is that going to be easy? NO!! It's going to be hard hard hard! But I can do it! I know that God will remind me when I start grinding my teeth and muttering to myself. I know that He will ask me to turn the muttering to singing and to keep going. I know that I am doing this for Him who strengthens me and that He will keep me on the right path. So here I go...off into the wild blue yonder of constructive criticism and singing to ward off the grinding of my teeth! I'll let you know if I have any teeth left when this is all over!
ROCK 2017!!
7 years ago
3 comments:
That's the way to go Michele! I KNEW you'ld get past yourself and on to what was really important! I am SO PROUD of you!
I'll keep praying like I did last night when I wanted to sleep!
Love, Mom
Michele,
Welcome to my world. I often felt like I was in the wrong industry and had the wrong interests. Everything I do is writing, designing, creative - my IDEAS. And I seem to fall in love with every one of them. Like you, my heart and soul goes into my work and to have someone say anything negative always effects me. I have joined various writer's groups and that really helped me to get over that a bit but it doesn't come naturally. I always have to have a pep talk with myself!
I think I've read what you're talking about. If I'm mistaken never mind this next comments. But sometimes you have to "customize" your writings/talks etc. to fit the forum, audience etc. It is a powerful, from-the-heart written story--and I'm sure it's just about making sure it's appropriate for the group. Your story is awesome and it will affect a lot of people (in a very positive way) once you start sharing it. I just know it!!!
Big hugs,
love you,
Stace
Hey Michelle, great post. May God bless you as you journey into the wonderful world of receiving feedback! I know it is difficult (especially at first) as I find that most people are not socialized in their families to know how to accept it (or better yet, ask for it). I don't know anyone who likes feedback or criticism but from experience I can tell you that if you can learn to discern feedback, it can really help you grow. I find what helps for me is to remind myself that someone's suggestions for change to my idea, thought, story, etc is not an attack on me as a person, but a suggestion on how to make something of mine better. And of course they are not always right and that is OK too.
Of course I'm lucky, I was trained in the giving and receiving of feedback through come camp leadership training (a life changing though painful experience). I am also lucky to have a wife who is a "glass is half empty" person when I share my ideas and so she rejects more then half of the crazy ideas I bring to her. I've learned that many of her objections are actually true (although not all!). She is training me to take criticism well, to not see it as an attack on me but as a rejection of my idea as it currently stands. There is a big difference between the two!
Anyway, good luck with your speak! Take care,
Mark
Post a Comment